Daily Life 1

I haven’t written on this in forever. In all actuality, I kinda forgot I had one. But with work, and everything else in life, blogging hasn’t seemed important.

I’ve pretty much been working all the time. Keeps my mind off things.

Even though, there are always those few certain things on my mind.  Relationships, Money, and My future.

As of right now, no relationships. Probably has to do with the fact the only guys I work with are either, still in high school, or in a relationship. But I’m not rushing things.

Money right now is fine. My mother is just trying to catch up with bills. We seem to have so many lately.  That’s because we had to put our dog to sleep on March 6th. It was expensive to keep her in the emergency room for the last couple of hours she was alive, and to put her to sleep, and have her cremated was expensive also.  But we are getting by just fine, and miss her terribly each day.

My future right now is slowly forming. I am slowly but surely signing up for drivers ed, and saving for a car. I am thinking of going for my certificate in Communications next year, so that should open up a lot more opportunities for me work-wise.

I know this blog isn’t the most exciting thing you will read, if anyone reads this. But until my life gets more exciting, this is how my blogs are gonna be.

I am going to try to write on this everyday. Kinda to document my pathetic…..is that the right word……. life at the moment. Hopefully, when I look back at this down the road, I will see the slow incline of excitement in my life.

So I will leave you with a quote, that pretty much sums up my day-to-day thinking;

“There is a law in psychology that if you form a picture in your mind of what you would like to be, and you keep and hold that picture there long enough, you will soon become exactly as you have been thinking. – William James”

You know what?

I have to vent.

Lately, I have noticed that I have feelings for someone very close to me. But the thing is, he is kinda the stereotypical male, only wanting the stereotypical “hot girl”. Now, everyone is telling me to tell him how I feel, but I know he will just laugh in my face.

I don’t know what to do. :/

random blogs make up my life :/

Forever Young.

Growing up is hard to do. This is something I’ve only just discovered. But the thing is, I don’t know if I’m ready to grow up. I feel like, I can become a mature member of society, yet still be a how I am now at heart. Care-free, and living my life as I see fit, I am honestly the happiest I have ever been in my life. I feel like I can do anything, and that no matte what happens during the next couple of years, I know I will come out of it stronger than I already am. Living life in the real world has taught me that, you can’t always expect everyone to be nice to you, and that not everyone has your best interest at heart. But in the end, the only people I need, do have my best interest at heart, and they want to see me succeed.

I now know, that I will strive my hardest to fulfill my full potential in life, whatever it may be. I may not know now, but that is because I am just starting my journey in life.

But for now, I am forever young.

Oblivious.

Guys are completly and totally oblivious. If your talking to a girl about who you like and don’t like, for hours on end, through texts, on the phone, and while hanging out, 9 out of 10 times, the girl will fall for the guy. I can honestly say, I have fallen. He says how he is looking for a great girl, who would care about him, pretty much the one. And I am pretty much the only one who is letting him vent to me about girls, and giving him advice on love. But I am right here! I don’t see whats so wrong with me? I don’t know if it is because he is shallow, and can’t handle a big girl, or because he just doesn’t like me. I just don’t know. But it just makes me so mad because he is always talking about these cute girls, and letting me get to know them, and wanting me to be friends with these girls, because were close. And I just don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to be selfish, but sometimes, I feel like I deserve to be.

Whatever, I give up on love for now.

My Piece.

The absolute audacity that people have now a days is mind-boggling. I cannot understand where people get the idea that it is okay to threaten someone, when in all actuality they didn’t do anything.  Another thing is getting middle school like comments saying things such as “your ugly “, ”fattie” , and  “no one will ever love you” isn’t called for either. And to think, this all could have been prevented, if a so-called ”best friend” hadn’t thrown me under the bus. And its obvious to be quite honest with you who this person is. Getting a comment that is “anonymous” and written very much like a person who I know knows the person who has been threatening me, is quite suspicious.  But when I put two and two together, I came to my own conclusion. People cannot be trusted. If you say you’re a friend, yet you have no problem letting your friends threaten me, then I must have trusted someone who I shouldn’t have. I have been threatened to have the crap beaten out of me at my place of employment, if I so much as glance in this person’s direction. How am I supposed to feel safe at my job, if there is always the slight chance that I could be bludgeoned by a can of soup?

In conclusion, I am appalled that someone who I once considered to myself to be close to, could just so blatantly care less about my well-being, and throw me under the bus, and not defend me in any way possible. This only shows, that trust is a valuable thing to me, and that once you lose it, there is no way in hell you will ever get it back. And as for being threatened for, in all honesty, VENTING IN A BLOG, I find it totally flattering that you would all take the time out of your lives to make an account on this fine blogging website, and comment on my blog posts. It also just proves that you are just so insecure in yourself, that you have to continuously try to lessen the self-esteem of another, to boost yourself up.

I honestly hope that these people only find the best happiness in life, but please, I am just a lonely blogger. Don’t continuously harass me, because we are no longer in high school.

And I’ve said my piece.

Sucky

Life, is unexplainable.

Love, is unimaginable.

When all you’ve encountered in life is hatred and abuse.

It’s like your mind cannot process what love is when it’s right in front of you.

But maybe it isn’t you.

People can sense weakness, that you are vulnerable and susceptible to be treated like shit.

They thrive on your insecurities.

Telling you the things they think you want to hear, and then tearing you down, when you’ve been built up so high.

Telling you your worthless, nothing more than another girl, nothing special, not worth anyones time.

And it burns into the core of your existence. Scolding you every moment of everyday.

Slowly bringing you down to nothing but a shell of yourself.

Killing you slowly, painfully, until you can’t bear it anymore. 

The constant reminder that no matter how hard you try, life still finds a way to kick you in the face with a steel toe boot.

Fuck life sometimes. Hard in the ass. It sucks.

Heat

My cat is in heat.

 

 

It disturbs me.

Experiment

So for the past couple of days, I have been doing a little experiment on  IMVU, which is a game type thing were you make an avatar and go and chat in chatrooms. So what I did was, I made a very skanky [for lack of a better word] avatar. And in her profile, I put “looking for a good time?” and under interests put “cyber, hardcore, anything you want”. And the point of this little experiment was to see how many guys I attracted just because my character “put out”. One thing I noticed, was that every time I signed onto IMVU, I always had friend requests. And 95 percent of the time, in their profile it said something to do with “cyber, cybering, sexy girls, hot girls” something along the line of that.

One thing I did while conducting this little experiment was step outside of my comfort zone by allowing these guys to in some way “take advantage of me”. What I mean by this is, I would never, ever subject myself to men like this, unless it was for the sake of a good argument, and to prove a point, which I think that this is a valid point to prove.

So the first night, I actually looked for guys to kind of get the experiment off and running. And all of the guys I spoke with, wanted to cyber. The next night, was the same thing, same situation, looked for a guy, all they wanted was cyber. The next night I didn’t go on. But when I came on tonight, I had at least 7 friend requests, and was getting chat requests up the wazoo. By the end of tonight, I counted I had upwards of 20 chats I had gotten, and ALL of them were about cybering. What does that tell you about men?

Something else that I did to see what these guys would say, was I had looked up guys whose profiles said something along the lines of “cyber/ing, sexy girls, hot girls” and I sent a universal message that read, “hey baby, if you’re looking for a good time, let me know ;]”. One of the guys I sent it to, sent me back a very explicit message, that would make a porn star blush.

Another thing that happened is that I was continuously asked if I had a camera. They always wanted to see pictures of me, or other parts of me. What does that tell you about men?

One guy I talked to asked me for my screen name, so I gave it to him, to see what he wanted with it. So we were talking, and I thought he was going to be one of the men who didn’t want to cyber. But boy was I wrong. He kept sending me pictures of his “member” and asking me for pictures of my breasts. Kept asking me what he should do with his hard-on, and continuously apologized when I didn’t answer. So is it that, he realized it was wrong to be talking to a woman like this, or was he just trying to cover his ass?

Needless to say, during this experiment, I only confirmed my beliefs that 99.9 percent of men are absolute pigs. All they ever think about is sex, banging hardcore, and breasts. It disgusts me, and makes me fear for the future of young men. Why is it that men can’t focus on important things like brains, wit, and kindness of the hearts?

Sometimes I feel like men should have been born with a women’s mentality.

 

 

 

 

This is the IMVU avatar.

Shallow.

Sometimes guys are the foulest beings on the earth. And other times, they can be the sweetest people ever. But this entry is mainly about the foulest of foul men in the world. Those men would be the shallow ones.

I was chatting with this guy that lives a whiles away from me online. And we were really connecting. He wasn’t being like most guys in this chat room.  He was actually interested in what I had to say. So we talked. And connected. We said we would talk again. And we did.

It started as a good conversation. Talking about what we do, how our day was, stuff like that. Then he wanted to go on a “date” on this chat thing. So I said, “its harmless, why not.” So we did, and we talked. Then he said “Do you want to become friends on facebook?” I didn’t think there was any harm in it. So I requested him, noticed he was quite attractive, then continued to chat with him. But his tune changed. He was all like “I wish we didn’t live so far away from eachother, I would so date you” blah blah. But once  he saw what I really looked like he said “I think i’m going to try dating around here.” And this all happened AFTER we had become friends on facebook.

 

Can you say shallow!?

 

I was so hurt by this. He was totally fine with who I am when he didn’t know what I really looked like, but as soon as he saw me, he ran the other way. I don’t think i’m that bad looking. And it made me really upset when he said this.

 

Am I really that ugly?

Moving On.

I’ve been doing a lot of growing up lately. And with that, comes moving on from things that have happened in the past.  I know your not supposed to cling to the past, but I am guilty of doing so. I cling to the guy who had my heart, but didn’t have it all at the same time. We had a fling, no matter what he says. For whatever reason, he doesn’t want to admit that we had something. It makes me wonder if I was that horrible, that he didn’t even want to admit that we had something.

To save you from all the details, i’ll make it short. We hung out every day after school. And we got really close. Then one day, we connected on a deeper level. Don’t go thinking we had sex, I am still a virgin thank you very much. But things did happen. And then, he ignored me. He used me. Causing me to not have trusted guys since then.

 

He let go, and so had I after he moved. Then he came back, and so didn’t the feelings. Well, my feelings for him came back. He had moved on. And I obviously hadn’t.

Still clinging to what we had had, I confronted my friend about it. Asking her if it was pathetic if I was hooked on a guy who had moved on. She told me that it wasn’t pathetic, that it had happened to her too. But that if he had moved on, I should try to also. And I have.

So the moral of the story is, don’t let guys use you, because 9 out of 10 times, you will develop strong feelings for this guy, and then you will get absolutely destroyed.

 

I guess all girls don’t get a prince charming.